“Surely we are not worthy of so great a Lover.”

The church today is just as much the harlot that Israel was(and still is) that you can read about in Hosea.

We must put away our harlotry and return to the Lord or we will be exposed and will return to the desert wilderness as in the days of Egypt(Hos. 2:2-4)

The church has become so opposite of what Jesus told His followers to do and how to live. We pursue other lovers and worship the idols named ENTERTAINMENT, COMFORT, PAYCHECK, and FINANCIAL SECURITY. God is seeking to strip away all the props, to take away whatever it takes for us to see it is HIM that provides our finances and PROVISION, that it is HIM who should FASCINATE us- not the world. (Hos. 2:5-8)

God is comitted to doing whatever it takes to gain our dependence and unfettered love for Him. He will take back the food and water, the clothing, make us uncomfortable, and take away our worldly joy if it means we would have our hearts exposed and vulnerable so that we may know Him. (Hos. 2:9-12)

There are three main “I” issues that keep us from the knowledge of God, from walking in the depth and fullness of the relationship God desires: Idolatry, Identity, & Intimacy (Hos. 2:13). We must leave our idols and return to Him! We must know that we are His BELOVED, a kingdom of priests called to minister before the throne ALL OUR LIVES! We must KNOW Him who sits on the throne- Him who hung on the cross for love- Father of glory, give us a spirit of wisdom and revelation unto the knowledge of Your Son Jesus!! Jesus we must know You!!

And the Father is a good Dad(the best in the whole world actually… )- he is a good Father, so He will make a way for us to return to Him. He desires it more than we do, more than we could know. He says of His plans for His bride “Behold I will allure her, bring her into the wilderness,and speak to her heart.” (Hos. 2:14-15) Jesus longs to draw us away to a place where it’s just us and Jesus alone, to a place where we have no choice but to depend on Him entirely for survival- Jer. 2- God is longingly reminiscing over the days when we were devoted to Him, that we loved and cherished our marriage to Him, and followed Him even in the wilderness, the hardest times. Yes, God longs for us to return to such a difficult situation because it causes us to see how much we need Him.

Finishing out the chapter, Hos. 2:17-23 deals with the three “I” issues from v. 13. God revealed Himself as Husband in v. 16 and wants to draw His bride into the flame of His love more and more. In v. 17 He says there will be NO MORE IDOLATRY, v. 19-20 there will be NO MORE INTIMACY ISSUES for we are betrothed to Him forever, v. 23 there will be NO MORE IDENTITY ISSUES for we are His people.

“Surely we are not worthy of so great a Lover. ”

the fragrance of a broken heart

Jesus I ask that You supernaturally impart desire & hunger to my spirit- God I want a deep longing in my heart like I have never known!

Let the fragrance of a pure sacrifice wash over me and let me return it in wholehearted devotion! LET ME KNOW HOW I RAVISH YOUR HEART JESUS! OH HOW MY SOUL LONGS FOR YOU!!

the fragrance of a broken heart
is incense before Your throne
let the heavens drip
let it rain with Your love

there is no other Lover
who asks so little
and desires so much

the bones You have broken rejoice
for You are faithful to renew and restore

I am making all things new again…

i have been stuck lately in a place of no passion, no motivation, no reality of the life Jesus has called me to live, no nothing.

just coasting through life.

I began to realize this morning that there is some sort of disconnect between my head and my heart. i know everything the Lord says about me and about the way He loves me etc and i know what He wants me to be doing… but I dont live it/do it. If I believe something and dont act on it, how much do I really believe it??

I desperately need the barrier between my head and my heart BROKEN down… I am asking You Lord for revelation, for words from Your mouth to hit my spirit and shatter the things that hinder love… whatever it takes God, take it away… I NEED YOU, I MUST HAVE YOU, I MUST HAVE YOU, THERE IS NOTHING MORE WORTHY THAN YOU, I AM NOTHING AND HAVE NOTHING APART FROM YOU JESUS!!!

God give me a spirit of repentence.. I know that your arms are not too short to rescue me, but its my sin that is separating us… I want to mourn and weep over my sin Jesus… no more half-hearted apologies and bullcrap…

I know that You are making all things new again.. that you can call me away to the wilderness again and speak to me… you can cultivate passion again in the garden of my heart… its spring and all things are becoming new again, God I ask for the renewing of passion and zeal in my heart… consecrate me again for your purposes, I am Yours Jesus..

Psalm 51:10

Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a steadfast spirit within me.

PS this is a really sweet video with a song called New Again. check it out http://bit.ly/12RKau

I have been struggling really mightily lately. I’ve just been wrestling through a season of apathy and laziness and not really seeing the need to pursue the Lord ( which is totally ridiculous btw) but in His never-ending love and grace and mercy, He pursues me and finds me over and over again. I don’t understand this kind of love… what manner of love is this? …that we should be called the children of God?????

I really don’t get how God doesn’t get tired of my ridiculous nature but praise Him, He doesn’t!

So I’ve been struggling with this thing, disciplining myself and whatnot so I was praying this morning and I felt like I was supposed to read Psalm 16. Apparently I had already been studying it some before because there were some notes and things in my bible and my old journal from last year and I was like, sweet lets do it. So i start studying it and verse 8 in particular sticks out to me. “I will set the Lord continually before me.”  I began to just repeat this verse over and over and ask the Lord for insight into this verse and so i went over the the piano and I’m singin it for a little while and it just feels… flat. ugh.

So anyways about 45 mins later I come back to my desk and I find this blog post from mike bickle(didn’t even know he had one) that someone had twittered about(actually proved its worth just once) and it was about the knowledge of God.(see it here- http://bit.ly/ADLvd).

So I’m reading this post and I’m getting really excited about this and I start praying the first thing He was talking about, which was recieving God’s words. So I start praying “Yes Jesus, I recieve from You. I set my heart to obedience to whatever You say, Yes, Yes!”  And the Lord begins to break my heart over my lack of discipline lately… and I’m asking you know, what does it mean to be disciplined and that verse from earlier pops up, Psalm 16:8.

“I will set the Lord continually before me.”

The Lord said to me, THIS is true discipline. Discipline is not about a schedule and a gym routine during the week, TRUE DISCIPLINE should produce a habitat, a garden for encounter, a place where its easy to cultivate intimacy with Me. Discipline brings freedom to love Me more!”

So I have resolved in my weakness(love the way the Lord works, right?) to be disciplined, to set the Lord before me day after day after day after day. I’m asking the Lord to renew a steadfast spirit in me, to create resolve and strength in my inner man by the power of His Spirit! Yes, Jesus! Have Your way!!

oh that You would rend the heavens…

this morning the Lord gave me a vision during a time of really intense prayer and worship..

i was in this huge darkness, almost like outer space, and there was this golden glowing light coming from the distance, almost like it was around the corner because i couldnt quite see where the light was coming from… i knew that this golden light was the glory of God.. that His glory and presence was just around that corner but i wasnt quite there to see it all… and as i drew nearer it got bigger and brighter and i saw flashes of a massive golden throne surrounded by elders and creatures and who knows what all bowing before the throne worshipping…

Then i had another vision directly afterward, but i could still see the golden light, the glory almost in the background of this second vision…

there was a bookshelf on the wall in this room, and it went on forever and ever across the wall in front of me, full of books. and i was at the end of the shelf on the right, and the last book was put on this shelf but there was no bookend to hold up the books and the Lord spoke to me and said each book represents the generations of the Earth, and the last book has been placed on the shelf, this is the last generation in the history of the Earth… yours is the last generation and all of history is about to be completed, the events that all of creation have been waiting for are about to come to pass… all we are waiting for is that last bookend, the End, the Omega to come and seal up history as we know it!

well i was drawn even deeper into intercession after this, the Lord was just burning in my heart for the nations and the church to awaken and arise to see that the former glory is NOTHING compared to the glory that we are going to encounter, the glory that is to come! i believe this is why the Lord gave me the first vision, of His glory, its JUST around the corner, we are going to encounter the Lord in ALL His beauty and glory, and its coming soon!

worthy is the Lamb that was slain to recieve the reward of His suffering…

So its been awhile since I posted but since then some interesting changes have occurred… so for anyone that doesnt know by this point(i dont have a clue who that would be…)  WE’RE GONNA HAVE A BABY!  Pretty freaking excited about that.. and I still dont have a clue what is about to hit me lol… Lord help us… Mandi has been having a really hard time with the morning sickness(which is actually morning, noon, and night sickness) and its been really hard on her. Her mom had it all 9 months of her pregnancy and spent some time in the hospital with it and its a genetic thing I guess so we are praying it doesnt get that serious for Mandi too. So any prayers for that would be awesome…

Mandi and I are planning on heading to NY in just a few weeks for Easter. We will be going to her parents house along with her sister and all her family and Mandi’s grandma is coming down from Buffalo too so thats pretty sweet. I think its going to be a great weekend all in all.

this is something simple the Lord was telling me this morning in prayer…

He suffered and died because He loved us and now He is waiting to recieve the reward(or inheritance) of His suffering. This inheritance is US! Jesus died to recieve a Bride and a people that are lovesick for Him and long to be with Him. Jesus DESERVES a worthy inheritance and we are mostly NOT giving it to Him! Jesus deserves ALL our love, ALL our emotions/affections- when we arent living surrendered to the Lord we just spit in the face of His sacrifice and say it wasnt good enough, that really isnt worth me living my life differently.

Jesus I pray you confront my heart with the seriousness of this thing- that I would live a life abandoned to you- not out of compulsion or religious legalism- but out of adoration and love and honor to You!

Blessed

I just wanted to say a collective thank you to all our friends and family in Burlington that Mandi and I love dearly for pursuing the Lord in a way that provokes me to jealousy at your relationship with Him in a way that pushes me to want Him even more. Even when I feel in a funk or that I have settled into an apathetic season, your zeal and prayers and genuine love for the Lord and each other encourages and blesses me so much, and motivates me to pursue Him afresh. So be encouraged guys, your efforts may not seem like they are moving much sometimes but you defintely stirred and moved my soul tonight. I love you all and thank you all for your faithfulness and love.

Righteousness come forth…..

The Bride is sleeping off a hangover- this is why She does not understand or see what us going on or know the reality of Jesus and His plans. She is drunk on the world and all it’s pleasures- NOT SIN ONLY but things that SEEM OKAY!! Surely our sin separates us from the Lord but the pleasures of this world have made us drunk and lulled us into a deep sleep of complacency, laziness, and apathy!

JESUS I AM SO GUILTY OF THIS! CONVICT MY HEART HOLY SPIRIT!

LET FRESH FIRE FALL.

eyes opened

i was meditating on Matthew 5:3 yesterday and the way i have found of getting the greatest amount of revelation from the scriptures is by “worship with the word” which is just literally singing the scripture. i learned this down at ihop-ac during my internship there. i view the Bible as my prayer manual and my worship hymnal- in that i pray the prayers of the apostles and prophets in scripture and i sing the very words of God.

so im studying and meditating yesterday on Matthew 5:3 which says “blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God.” so what is poor in spirit? spiritual poverty is when you are at the place where you realize the song of songs 1:5 reality that you are “dark but lovely”- you have nothing and are nothing without Jesus, but He still thinks youre wonderful. its an understanding of our spiritual bankruptcy, to borrow a david gordonism, and its a place of complete humility and lowliness. which seems not so great but we know that in our weakness, He is strong.

so the Lord keeps pulling things out of this and speaking to me concerning this spiritual humility and He begins to show me that when we are walking in humility, our eyes are opened to see in the supernatural. when we go low and allow God to lead the way instead of us, we begin to SEE things more clearly.

you know those times where you feel stuck in a rut and have no motivation to seek the Lord or pray or fast or anything? it is in those times that our pride is welling up and basically saying “eh, i dont really need to pray or anything, i am good enough to surive, i am God enough to make it through the day without having to surrender my time or energy to God” and so we end up making choices that arent you know SIN outright or anything.. but they dont produce life. but since we arent walking in intimacy with the Lord, they are easy, comfortable choices.(my friend amanda slade hit this in one of her recent blog posts. check it out!) you know easy choices like sitting in front of the tv for a couple hours or playing around on the internet or just anything else that is just, you know like ehh.. well im bored so this is ok, whatever… and instead of seeking God and engaging our spirits with His truth and Spirit, we space out or something.

so in humility our eyes are OPENED to see that these lazy choices we make are not just ok or something, but when we dont choose Jesus, we choose death and darkness. my eyes were opened to see that there isnt an ok middle ground, but i saw the darkness and depression and death that comes from not choosing Jesus!

some biblical scholars believe that the beatitudes in Matthew 5 all build on each other… so you cant understand matthew 5:4 until you understand 5:3 and the Lord is showing me this is true..

what He was revealing about humility and SEEing in 5:3, relates right to mourning in 5:4.

when we walk in humility and SEE our choices, and that we have walked away from Jesus again, it brings us to a place of mourning over our sin. Jesus we have pursued other lovers time and time again! forgive us!

the old testament context of mourning was usually over sin, the sins of the nation of Israel and such. new testament mourning is described by Jesus in Matthew 9- that it was mourning and longing for His presence in the context of fasting. i believe both of these come out in matthew 5:4.

we see our choices and we mourn for our sin, and when we realize who we are in light of our sin, we begin to declare our need for Jesus and long for his presence to come and fill us again, to write His word on our heart again so that we might not sin against Him!

so as we enter the doorway of spiritual humility(5:3), it brings us into mourning(5:4), which Jesus says(matthew 9:15) is connected to fasting, and then He says(9:17) fasting is somehow connected to renewing our minds(new wineskins) which Paul says(Romans 12:2) is connected to a WHOLE lot of things(v4-18) and one thing continues to be a doorway to another in the spiritual life but i believe the first doorway we must walk through is the one of humility. God says he gives GRACE to the humble, but He is directly opposed the the proud.

so i pray for the Bride of Christ that a spirit of humility would descend upon us, that the humility Jesus walked in would be manifested in us so that doors in the spiritual realms would be opened to us and that God would continue to pour out His grace on us! Do it Lord, in Jesus name!

“…im longing for the day when I will see Your face…”

i have been in a funny place the last couple weeks…

all my passion for the Lord had been zapped in a moment and i couldnt figure out what was going on. so monday morning it hit me that it was the first day that ihop does the bridegroom fast which is based on matthew 9:14-17 and its all about fasting for the presence of Jesus.. mourning for His nearness and intimacy because He was taken away up to heaven so we long for His return!

 

so i started this fast and its tuesday at about 6AM and im in the car on my way to virginia beach for work. i put on a matt gilman live prayer set and i just started praying in the spirit and asking God to fill me with more of Himself, to draw nearer and I remembered last december my biggest prayer was Colossians 3- that i have died and my life is hidden in Christ… that I need to die so that HE will be in the forefront, not me.

 

so i am just praying Lord kill me so that You will be exalted in me, and all of a sudden the Lord breaks in on me with the revelation that my passion and calling was dead to me because i let the words of man come in and cover it and suffocate the identity and lifestyle that God called me to! i just began to weep and ask for forgiveness.. just crying out OH God i have forsaken Your calling and the things you have spoken to me!!

i pulled into a parking lot and just sat there at the gas pump weeping and praying and singing and my mourning tears were changed to tears of joy… the passion and calling i thought was dead to me was reawakened and i began to leap with joy in my spirit because i remembered all the things the Lord said about me… that i was His beloved, that He had called me to be first someone who knew His heart and then prayed it, to be an intercessor, to live a radical lifestyle of fasting, prayer, and devotion to Him… i felt just like Luke 10:42 was being manifested in my life.. that i had chosen the ONE thing that was necessary and it would NOT BE TAKEN AWAY FROM ME!!! PRAISE THE LORD ALMIGHTY WHO IS FOREVER!

 

THANK YOU JESUS! YOU ARE SO AMAZING AND WONDERFUL AND BEAUTIFUL!