“…im longing for the day when I will see Your face…”

i have been in a funny place the last couple weeks…

all my passion for the Lord had been zapped in a moment and i couldnt figure out what was going on. so monday morning it hit me that it was the first day that ihop does the bridegroom fast which is based on matthew 9:14-17 and its all about fasting for the presence of Jesus.. mourning for His nearness and intimacy because He was taken away up to heaven so we long for His return!

 

so i started this fast and its tuesday at about 6AM and im in the car on my way to virginia beach for work. i put on a matt gilman live prayer set and i just started praying in the spirit and asking God to fill me with more of Himself, to draw nearer and I remembered last december my biggest prayer was Colossians 3- that i have died and my life is hidden in Christ… that I need to die so that HE will be in the forefront, not me.

 

so i am just praying Lord kill me so that You will be exalted in me, and all of a sudden the Lord breaks in on me with the revelation that my passion and calling was dead to me because i let the words of man come in and cover it and suffocate the identity and lifestyle that God called me to! i just began to weep and ask for forgiveness.. just crying out OH God i have forsaken Your calling and the things you have spoken to me!!

i pulled into a parking lot and just sat there at the gas pump weeping and praying and singing and my mourning tears were changed to tears of joy… the passion and calling i thought was dead to me was reawakened and i began to leap with joy in my spirit because i remembered all the things the Lord said about me… that i was His beloved, that He had called me to be first someone who knew His heart and then prayed it, to be an intercessor, to live a radical lifestyle of fasting, prayer, and devotion to Him… i felt just like Luke 10:42 was being manifested in my life.. that i had chosen the ONE thing that was necessary and it would NOT BE TAKEN AWAY FROM ME!!! PRAISE THE LORD ALMIGHTY WHO IS FOREVER!

 

THANK YOU JESUS! YOU ARE SO AMAZING AND WONDERFUL AND BEAUTIFUL!