I have been struggling really mightily lately. I’ve just been wrestling through a season of apathy and laziness and not really seeing the need to pursue the Lord ( which is totally ridiculous btw) but in His never-ending love and grace and mercy, He pursues me and finds me over and over again. I don’t understand this kind of love… what manner of love is this? …that we should be called the children of God?????

I really don’t get how God doesn’t get tired of my ridiculous nature but praise Him, He doesn’t!

So I’ve been struggling with this thing, disciplining myself and whatnot so I was praying this morning and I felt like I was supposed to read Psalm 16. Apparently I had already been studying it some before because there were some notes and things in my bible and my old journal from last year and I was like, sweet lets do it. So i start studying it and verse 8 in particular sticks out to me. “I will set the Lord continually before me.”  I began to just repeat this verse over and over and ask the Lord for insight into this verse and so i went over the the piano and I’m singin it for a little while and it just feels… flat. ugh.

So anyways about 45 mins later I come back to my desk and I find this blog post from mike bickle(didn’t even know he had one) that someone had twittered about(actually proved its worth just once) and it was about the knowledge of God.(see it here- http://bit.ly/ADLvd).

So I’m reading this post and I’m getting really excited about this and I start praying the first thing He was talking about, which was recieving God’s words. So I start praying “Yes Jesus, I recieve from You. I set my heart to obedience to whatever You say, Yes, Yes!”  And the Lord begins to break my heart over my lack of discipline lately… and I’m asking you know, what does it mean to be disciplined and that verse from earlier pops up, Psalm 16:8.

“I will set the Lord continually before me.”

The Lord said to me, THIS is true discipline. Discipline is not about a schedule and a gym routine during the week, TRUE DISCIPLINE should produce a habitat, a garden for encounter, a place where its easy to cultivate intimacy with Me. Discipline brings freedom to love Me more!”

So I have resolved in my weakness(love the way the Lord works, right?) to be disciplined, to set the Lord before me day after day after day after day. I’m asking the Lord to renew a steadfast spirit in me, to create resolve and strength in my inner man by the power of His Spirit! Yes, Jesus! Have Your way!!